Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
