She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
