I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
