I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
