call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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