Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
