When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize