Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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