nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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