Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
