He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
