sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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