Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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