I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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