This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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