I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
