Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize