Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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