Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize