Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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