she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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