Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
