I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
