i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
