he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
