Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
