is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
