I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
