Quick, to the slutcave!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize