Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
