When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will be naked everywhere
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
