there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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