she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
