omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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