I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there's paper in my vomit.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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