Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
