I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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