You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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