Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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