We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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