ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your dad touched me again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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