She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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