i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
