Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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