just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
