I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
