Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
