We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
