She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
