she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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