no, he came in my armpit
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
