i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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