Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
