come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize