you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
