I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
