im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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