Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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