Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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