i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
