i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The uberlube is also flammable
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
