is your mom at the bar?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
