Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
