my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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