and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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