its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
