apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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