I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
