I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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