the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just forgot I was standing up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
