you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
