I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
