My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
